Narcissa
by Lady Stockton
Summary: "He was so beautiful." Rate M for mature scenes. EdxWinry and EdxRoy.


She had loved him for so long and finally, finally he came home to her all flashing golden eyes and bright gold hair caught up in a high tail. So when he pushed her up against the wall near the outdoor shower, she wrapped her arms willingly around his broad shoulders and let him take her first kiss. It was nothing she expected and so much better: soft and thorough and - oh God, where did he learn to kiss like _that_. Ed had pressed himself right up against her, one hand on the small of her back, arching her against his chest and the other tangling in her hair.

Oh.

Oh.

_Yes._

He tasted wet and hot and nothing like the romance novels she read, this was so much more than that. As he coaxed her tongue out to play, a tingling heat spread between her thighs, making her moan into his mouth. No air, she was getting dizzy and right when she thought her knees might buckle, Ed pulled back and looked into her lust-love sleepy eyes and smiled.

"Been wantin' to do that for months," he whispered against her mouth. _Where_ did he learn just what to say?

...

With Al in Xing, the two had the Rockbell house mostly to themselves. Impromptu love making sessions, murmured conversations in front of the fire, shouted arguments punctuated by flying projectiles, but there were times when he would get that faraway look in his eye and everything seemed to lose focus. She would look at him with bittersweetness coating her tongue and think _He's just so beautiful_.

Sometimes it was only for few minutes, but it could stretch into hours of just staring out at the sky looking for some incomprehensible answer.

One wintry night, after Pinako and May and Al had all gone up to bed, Winry settled next to Ed on the couch in front of the holly-decorated hearth, merry with fire, and leaned her head on his shoulder. Eventually that arm came around and hugged her close to him.

"Ed?" she whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet moment they had gained. He kissed her over her hair and shifted with a sigh.

"Mm?"

"Are you still in love with me?" She asked tentatively.

"Of course I am," he said immediately and she believed that the words didn't sound mechanical, he was just tired.

...

After they'd started sharing a bed, she accepted that this just came with the territory- the cold sweats, the screaming, the whimpers for forgiveness. It was just part of who he was. He never wanted to talk about it. Never allowed her to hold him after he shot up in the dark, eyes wildly searching for enemies in the corners of her small room. All the same, he would leave and come back hours later and tuck her close to his body, the smell of the witching hour fey and heavy around him. Al said he couldn't talk about it, that Brother had always dealt with these things on his own, but there was something in the depths of those bronze eyes that gave away the lie.

Who had he talked to when the nightmares drove him from sleep?

Who taught him to move against her like she was the only woman in the world?

Who took away her boy and gave her back a man?

...

It was only a matter of time she told herself bitterly. He looked at her with sad, guilty eyes that flashed in the sunlight and still made butterflies flutter in her belly. It was only a matter of time. She couldn't be angry with him, he had been honest with her. He had stopped it before they had both lost too much of themselves in something that would turn ugly and twisted and damaging, so she couldn't be angry with him. He didn't ask for forgiveness and she could not, could_not_ have given it no matter how much she loved him or maybe because of how much she loved him. Didn't he know? Didn't he see how her love for him brightened her eyes and shone through her skin and the only reason others weren't blinded by it was because it was precious and only for him? Maybe he did. That didn't stop him from leaving with those sad, sad eyes.

She was so mad, _madhurtwretchedbitter_, that only when the train was a smoking bullet hole in the distance could she bring herself to scream. She had _loved_ him for so, so long.

* * *

><p>He came smelling of hard leather seats and greasy station food. He came with sad, flashing eyes and bright gold hair. He came unattached, but not without baggage. But all that really mattered was that he <em>came<em>. Sunny hair slipping over long, pale fingers as gold eyes met charcoal. Roy had taught him how to play with his tongue, how to move your hips _just_ so to show your need. And he needed him. He had needed him while he played house with that girl - but that wasn't fair. She had loved him for so long, Roy had seen it the first time he had laid eyes on her. It could only have been a whisper of an emotion that she hadn't fully understood at the time. But, yes, she had loved him.

But Roy needed him more and Ed had always needed to be needed, almost more than he needed to be loved. On some level, Roy preened at the hold he had over this _man's_ heart, but mostly he just felt wretched and so pathetically grateful that he had come back, that he had answered his heart's call for him in the end.

...

They moved, desperate and hungry, into, onto, over and through each other. Roy wasn't sure in the tangle of limbs, lips, and tongues where he ended and Ed began. How the little blotches of rot and darkness on their souls matched up in all the most painful ways. It was a good hurt, a clean hurt that was amplified and relished as Roy thrust in, in, in that gold and silver, sunshine and moonlight body splayed beneath him and offering everything. Ed's hands, both of them burning him dichotomously, touched him in all the places his scalding mouth couldn't. _Yes, burn me up, leave scars on me and let me do the same to you so no one else can come between_. And then the world went white.

In the sleepy dark aftermath, while the whole world was drunk on their afterglow, they kissed like long time lovers do. Their lips met gracefully and languidly and spoke of all the things they shared that they never needed say aloud.

"Why did I ever leave?"

"Does it matter?"

A breathy sigh. "I guess not. I'm here now."

...

They all met at the train station. Ed pulled Winry and Al into a bear hug before being toppled by three toddlers all shrieking "Uncle Ed! Uncle Ed!" One had bright blue eyes like her mother's and the other two, devilish twins, gave him mischievous looks with slanted, bright black gazes. Gold eyes softened as they watched his near-sister and her husband, his brother and his wife and his lover exchange holiday greetings. It was hard on Roy being around her, Ed knew, but he did it anyway. The other fifty weeks of the year, Ed gave all of himself to Roy and only asked for two weeks of civility on the holidays. Equivalent exchange.

But was it really equivalent? It seemed as if he gave and gave and gave, but his love never seemed to dry up not for his family, not for him. And all he could do was sigh as Roy worshipped him in the night.

* * *

><p>AN: Something different from me (well the angst is the same ^_^'). Um this was actually inspired by the chorus of "Only Girl in the World" by Rihanna. Anyways, please review!


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